Firstly I would like to apologize for disappearing. I wasn’t feeling motivated to blog and I thought a break would really be helpful.
This is a close friend of mine, Shannon’s testimony. I thought her testimony was absolutely beautiful. Don’t forget every scar is a bridge to someone else’s broken heart. You have a story but it’s up to you to share it.
Throughout my life I’d been stuck in the middle of this huge storm. My father is a difficult man who has committed countless sins that hurt my family and I deeply, and in the end he abandoned us all together. We lost our car and nearly lost our home. I was bullied all through my school career because I was your classic nerd hiding behind the pages of some character’s life. I had few friends who actually weren’t really friends at all.
Even though I was struggling I chose to rather be strong for my family and locked every emotion and painful experience into the filing cabinet at the back of my mind and threw away the key. I stopped living, only trying to survive each day as it came. I was sure that if God existed, He must’ve hated me. I started doubting and like Peter, I started drowning.
In February this year my sister had a really bad allergic reaction during one of the youth evenings. When she’d left to get some Allergex from the office, I turned around and started crying. The filing cabinet exploded and I started crying about everything. When I finally talked to someone a week later everything came to the surface. I became, quite literally, a puddle of tears and that was when my relationship with God started to change.
I called out to Him, asking Him to save me from drowning and I realized that God didn’t cause the storm around me. I also realized that I couldn’t do everything on my own and that it was okay to ask for help, which I did many times after opening up.
My relationship with God didn’t change in a flash; it took time, a lot of deep talks and a lot of self-work. The real turning point was when I had my God-moment. It happened during the song Oceans during one of the youth evenings. My feet had failed and fear had surrounded me. I called out to God and then I started apologizing. Apologizing for all my mistakes and for not trusting God in the first place.
Now I’m in a space where I’ve never been happier and my relationship with God has never been stronger. I’ve got better friends at school and have gained a family with the people at my church. While I’ve pushed through most of the storm, I still have a long way to go before I’m completely out of it. But I know God is with me, helping me through and He will be there for me if my feet fail again.