STOP FOCUSING ON BEING SINGLE

Hey friend,

So if you’ve been following this blog for a little by you’ll know that I started The Project Lumière (@theprojectlumiere on Instagram) which is essentially me documenting my journey to becoming fully content as a single Christian girl. I’ve been single my whole life and it got to this point last year where I was just so unfulfilled and not content with where I was. I remember there was this one night where I was with a couple of super cool ladies and they were talking about how they were single but so content, and they didn’t feel like they needed to be in a relationship. I remember standing there and not being able to relate to them. Yes I had joy but I wanted to be in a relationship so badly and that had truly become my focus.

Once I realized how discontent I was I knew something had to change and so that’s we’re the idea of The Project Lumière came from. I started becoming more intentional with the things I was saying yes to and started choosing to do things that brought me joy. I started the @theprojectlumiere Instagram and even started the podcast to document the journey. I realized a couple of months ago that I was the most content I had ever been in my life and I was so filled with joy.

Then a couple of weeks ago the Lord convicted me. You see although I was the most content I’d ever been my focus was still on how single I was. I realized that instead of focusing on BECOMING CONTENT I was focused on HOW SINGLE I WAS. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with romance or following wedding photography accounts etc. but when that becomes your focus and takes away from your joy then there’s a problem. I also realized that in a small way I was living to please others.

I’m a 2 on the enneagram (The Helper) and that’s part of my personality. I love helping people and making sure they’re okay and I truly hate disappointing people or letting them down, but I realized that in a small way some of the things I was doing was to make sure I was making other people happy. This isn’t a bad thing but I knew that for me this was something I had to let go. So I decided as I was standing in the kitchen that I was done living for others. I literally said “I’m done” aloud at like nine in the evening on a Friday.

For me this doesn’t look like disappointing people, or being rude or anything like that. It just looks like giving myself grace if I can’t make something and not beating myself up about it. It looks like choosing to not go somewhere if I’m not up to it, rather than going so that I don’t disappoint someone. It looks like making decisions without thinking: “what will someone else think?” ,but rather thinking, “How will this glorify God?”

Along with this my prayer lately is to be so content that I forget I’m single. This is not to discount the single season at all but for so long I focused on the word single. I’ve even stopped saying: “..my journey as a single girl to becoming content…” in my podcast introduction. This may sound a little silly but you have to find what works for you, and for me that was a small way I was focusing on being single rather than being content. The truth is being single doesn’t define who I am and Impressing is exhausting. My focus is now on just truly living in this season God has for me. This has been life changing for me and this sounds a little dramatic but lately I’ve felt as if a weight has been lifted off my chest. I’m not perfect all the time and of course I have bad days but I’m still learning and becoming. I still have to remind myself daily to not live to please others and that being single doesn’t define me but I have found such freedom, joy and a being content that comes from the Lord alone in living like this.

So I challenge you today, friend, to remember that whatever season you’re in or label you have doesn’t define you. You are a daughter or son of God and that is what defines you. You do not have to impress anyone or try and please anyone, you just have to glorify God!

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